Life is short

Today i attended my grandaddy's funeral. He died of an old age of 84 years old. Mum was so sad and so all of our relatives. 

I can't believe that just about 4 days ago we visited him and now i already paid my last respect to him. How fast is the time goes. When he lived with us, when he still can walk, when he still can eat by himself and walk around the house, it just felt like yesterday. He had a half stroke and was laid on his bed for months before he passed away and my mum and my uncle Charles took turns to take care of him when he was alive.

I called my grandaddy "kake" in our language. He likes to chew on betel leaves,tobacco, and "pinang" (areca nut).

I still remember one morning he asked for my help to get some betel leaves from our neighbour and i was annoyed with him because before that there were many times already he asked me that. With so many house chores, i gave him excuses to finish my chores first then i'll attend to him. After hours he asked me again. "Li, ongoiyo da daing hilo d Katirin" (Li,go and take betel leaves from Catherine-neighbour) Yet i still didn't attend to him and gave excuse. This time i lied, "I've knocked on their door already, there's no people,maybe in the evening i'll check again okay?" However, i never did went to our neighbour and days just passed. I never give him his betel leaves.

When i went to uncle's house to visit his body yesterday, i felt some kind of feelings. Guilty, regret, sad and hurt. I'm hurt to see him laying there and at the same time recalled my wrongdoings to him. How i never wanted to have even a smallest talk with him. How i kept on annoyed with him because he's old and acted elderly. How i hesitate to clean his mess and everything i felt before, it all came back to me. He is just so lonely.

I really wanted to cry on the spot but i don't know which ego of me holding it back and to be strong. Part of me said to myself, "Be strong, don't cry. DO NOT CRY!" and i didn't and part of it just want to cry. I really didn't,only before they nailed the coffin i can't hold it back. My tears running down my cheeks like it couldn't stop.

All the way to the cemetery, i thought of, how life is too short for us. It was like yesterday you're this kind of people that can walk around enjoying the day and the next day you're dead. And  i was thinking that everything in most of us do in our life are only to satisfy our living needs. Just to get on our life. We are busting ourselves to get excellent result so we can get scholarship, get job, find partner and get married. Then, the children came along and then we get old and eventually we die and that's it. Life is meaningless like that.

'Every cloud has it's silver lining'

From aki's funeral, i learned something valuable. In life,we musn't chase things that only satisfy ourselves and only makes us happy. It's crucial that everyone around you are happy as well. And to have real faith in God that believing that dying is just the beginning of an eternal life. Also, not to neglect our loved ones. To show them how much we loved them and meant to us as long as we can and everything because we don't know when are they going to leave us. To be grateful to God because we've given chance to breathe again into another new day. To live our life to the fullest. And to ready ourselves for our own time to come.

Being sad is just the little things in our lives and as time goes by, our heart will heal. All we can do is to pray for aki that he'll be placed among the holy people in the heaven with God. We all loved you so much aki, we all do.

 R.I.P

Francis@Matigal Paladin (aki)

Beloved aki

 

 

 

Quarter of the family and relatives

Dated myself for a day..Wee~

Yes!Finally i get to go out from the house..Yay!!It felt like forever since i went out.With all the assignments, chores to do and helping my mum bake buns, my holiday drifted just like that. I didn't even start studying for next semester. Anyway,i had an awesome(well, at least for me) ME time today at the mall. No boyfriend, no girlfriends, no fussy, alone anyone but me. And...I even arrived at the mall as early as the 9am,see how excited i was?Unfortunately, the shops weren't open until 11am..T.T I should've run around the mall creating havoc if it wasn't my flat are killing me.

So, today i shop for long pants. My pants tore like so big the last time i wore it. Tried to sew it but really cannot be rescued. *Laughs

Seriously in need of some colour and here are some i've tried on. Really comfy and it's such a great deal. Only RM19.90 (Brands Outlet)

See that flat over there?That one really kill my feet and my feet felt wet of my sweat inside it. I bought a pair of that sandals because i really need a change of taste. Hope i won't get blisters on it.:)

 

Ta daa!!

 

Uh huh..Some pictures. That is so plain me taking pictures in the fitting room. Need to entertain myself.

 

 

Which one is better?Pants or skirt?

Have you ever?

Have you ever dreamed that someday you'll be big?That someday you'll eventually reached what you wanted with your own time and methods. Without knowing that as time goes what you've planned  for future aren't something within your reach? I do.

When i was small i always wanted to be a fashion designer. My favorite pastime is drawing clothes especially princess dresses. How i love that. However, as i grew up it's not towards my interest i forgot that fashion is what i love. Somehow i really forgot and took science subjects until lately i was wronged. I should have proceed to what i love long time ago.

Now, in college it's hard in science and whenever i'm finishing assignments i always drifted away of what i should wear in the next MED nightout. Or what accessories i should pair it up. And at the end i lose focus and didn't finish what i supposed to do.

I decided to kept on going in science and become a dentist in the future and open boutique but i admit that i'm not the bright ones anymore in college, hence it's quite hard to score  a good pointer as dentistry needed the best pointer they can get. So that's how it is. I would really like to go fashion school but i know it cost so much money and mom and dad cannot afford it and won't encourage me. That's the worst part. The last time before i chose college, they kept on persuading me to go for teaching, but it's all about me, i'm not interested. Hmm..yeaa..that's how it is. I'll just fill myself up with fashion by internet in the meantime and learn by myself. Let's just see how it goes okay? :) That's all from now.